Got this in the ol' inbox yesterday. Translated from German to English by Babelfish...
Subject: Proposal to co-operation between Geeko graduation and http://www.promisenottolaugh.com/
Very honoured Web master, my name is Tanja Kastner and I is graduation active as Werbeberaterin in the agency Geeko.
We represent renowned enterprises, which are in the context of their on-line marketing campaign in the search for suitable advertising partners. Since your web page appears particularly interesting to me, I would inquire gladly with you whether you are interested in it against payment fitting advertising formats on your web page to merge. Gladly I can dispatch on your desire a concrete and noncommittal offer to you.
Please communicate to me whether you are interested in further information.
Yours sincerely,
Tanja Kastner
Werbeberaterin
Business development department
Geeko graduation
P.S.: In order to receive from us no further offers, you answer please with bright email. We will then remove your email address immediately from the distributor.
I'll be sure to respond with a bright email. Maybe a nice neon green.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Monday, January 11, 2010
Zombie Blog!
Get it? Because it's back from the dead, right?
So, uh... I guess I should address the fact that I haven't posted anything in over 4 months. It'd be a little awkward if I don't, wouldn't it? Alright, let's just say that I'm a really lazy person. Really, really lazy. That's the main reason. Anyone who knows me will tell you this is true. But if you want me to make excuses, I can do that! There was a 1 month stretch where my computer didn't work... In the past 2 months I've been in the Dominican Republic, Toronto, New York and Pittsburgh.... I was kidnapped... Most of that stuff is true. But I know that none of those reasons are a good excuse. Especially not an excuse to have not done any stand up comedy. Rest assured, the lack of activity wasn't due to me blowing up. When I do blow up, I'll be sure to give you the play by play.
On the bright side, the few of you who do read this piped up and told me to write something new, so I guess I'm doing something right. And I am planning to do an open mic, hopefully this Monday. I'll give you the usual report.
I might as well tell a little story while I'm here. Maybe the aforementioned travelling? Let's start with the Toronto/New York trip.
A friend of mine got married over the holidays and we decided to have his bachelor party in Toronto. I know, I know... it's insane to leave Montreal for a bachelor party in Toronto, but considering where everyone lived, it was easily the best destination. Now, you'd think the party would make up the brunt of this story, but I'm just going to gloss over it. Bachelor party antics should not be photographed or repeated. That being said, beer, strippers, shots, kareoke, beer, a handlebar moustache, shots, unbuttoned shirts, shots, vomitting, a cute midget and more beer all played a vital role in the evening. All of that stuff is true. Honestly.
What happened after the party was of more importance. Two days prior to leaving for Toronto, a friend who was there called me and asked if I needed to be home by Monday. I told him I had to work, but asked why? He had an extra ticket to see Late Show with David Letterman. I took a second to think about it before realizing I'd never have another chance to see him again. He said this was the third time he'd requested tickets and this was the first time he'd gotten a response. His plan was simple: the Sunday after the party, I stick around in T.O. to take a bus overnight to New York. We hang around Manhattan all day, then go see the Friday night taping at 6:00 PM. Then we take the bus home to our respective cities. I've definitely done crazier things than that. I was in.
So the morning after the party, my friends woke up WAY too early considering the night we had before. We were all pretty much awake by 9:00 and I felt WAY too good considering the night we had before. I didn't realize it until a couple hours later when the hangover hit me, but I was still drunk when I got up. I was barely able to hold down the dim sum in Chinatown, no thanks to my chef buddy who ordered the chicken feet, claiming that collagen was the future of cooking. All I wanted to do was lie down... and realized I wouldn't be able to do that until I got back to Montreal.
Of note, before going to the States, I realized I brought some Cuban cigars to celebrate with, but we never ended up smoking them. I knew I couldn't bring them across the border, so I got a bubble wrap envelope and sent them back to my house in the mail. C'mon, that's pretty ingenious, isn't it? Would you have thought of that? Yeah... sure you would have.
By the time we took the bus for New York, I was dead tired. The only problem was sleeping in vehicles is not my forte. I probably got an hour or two out of sheer exhaustion, and that was broken up by pit stops and crossing the border, where this conversation happened:
Officer: "Where are you from?/Where are you going?/Why are you going?/How long are you staying?"
Jesse: "Montreal, Canada/New York city/David Letterman taping/24 hours"
Officer: "Travelling tickets please."
Jesse: [hands over bus ticket to New York]
Officer: "Where is your return ticket?"
Jesse: "I haven't bought it yet."
Officer: "Why not?"
Jesse: "Uh, I don't know, I was gonna buy it when I go home."
Officer: [starts staring me down] "How are you going to buy it?"
Jesse: "Uh... with my bank account."
Officer: [not too pleased with my answer] "And how much is in your bank account?"
Jesse: "Uhhhh... around 1000$"
Officer: [clearly not believing me] "1000$?"
Jesse: "Yes."
Officer: [long pause while looking over everything on his little screen] "Next time have your return ticket ready."
Jesse: [wondering what the hell this guy's problem is] "Yes. Thank you."
I answered everything very matter of factedly, which probably made him realize I had no idea what I was doing. Because as soon as I got back into the bus, my friend showed me a little pamphlet Greyhound gives out when you buy a ticket. Rule number one was "Make sure you buy your return ticket when travelling across the border." And then written in bold right under it: "PASSENGERS WITHOUT A RETURN TICKET ARE FREQUENTLY DENIED ACCESS AT THE BORDER." Had I seen that before I crossed the border, I likely would have been a nervous wreck. I would have been stranded in Buffalo, at midnight on Sunday. In retrospect, this story would have been a lot more exciting had that happened, because the more I write, the more I'm realizing this is going nowhere. Let's try to wrap this up in note form...
- We arrived in New York at 6:00 am, before the sun even came up. I think it's about as empty as you'll ever see Broadway, which was pretty cool.
- For the sake of the story, I've been telling people I called in sick from the middle of Times Square. In reality, I was standing in a bank lobby. And I was put on hold for 5 minutes while roaming and calling long distance. I am tempted to file an expense report at work.
- Halfway through the day I wanted to change socks, so I stopped in central park to look for a pair in my bag. I was sure I had an extra pair left but couldn't find them. I ended up emptying my whole knapsack trying to find them to no avail. I'm sure the passersby had a nice laugh at the guy rifling through a pile of dirty clothes.
- Famiglia Pizza: Greasy, but pretty good.
- The NBC store was pretty awesome. My favourite items were a Dunder Mifflin warehouse shirt, a Top Chef apron and some fantastic Bayside High School sweatshirts. Meanwhile, the CBS was smaller than a Starbucks and the only item that drew my interest was a How I Met Your Mother coffee mug. They might as well call it "The CSI Store".
Screw note form, Letterman should have some detail. We were told to show up at the Ed Sullivan theatre around 4:00 PM and there was already a pretty big lineup. Fortunately, it's not general admission. While no seat is assigned, you're divided into predetermined sections of the theatre. After getting assigned a colour we were told to come back at 5:15, just enough time for a quick pint or two. Once we got back the interns gave everyone the whole spiel. Laugh loud and often, don't scream "Woooooo!", play along when Dave mentions Avatar because we're taping for the day it premiers. They were all pretty talkative and cheerful.
First impression upon walking into the theatre was that it was a lot smaller than I thought it'd be. It was a very intimate setting. The balcony was right on top of the floor, which sounds obvious, I suppose. But really, it's hanging over the floor seats as much as it possibly can. My friend and I were seated in the balcony, right over Paul and the CBS Orchestra. Not a bad sightline, but probably some of the worst seats in the crowd. C'est la vie.
The house comic is Eddie Brill. He did a quick 5 minutes to warm up the crowd. Not bad, but nothing special. I couldn't remember a single one of his jokes the next day, so forgettable might be the best way to describe him. Then Dave came sprinting out from backstage for a quick chat with everyone. I was really surprised by his energy level, especially for the 2nd taping of the day. Finally, the show opened and the guests were introduced... Tobey Maguire (meh, could be worse), Tom Dreesen (uh, sure) and Alicia Keys (hello!). The crowd really went nuts for Keys.
Dave gave a pretty long monologue and, much to the surprise of my friend and I, took a few good shots at Tiger Woods. This was around the time the story was breaking and every day there were new mistresses popping up. We thought that infidelity was something Dave might go easy on. Guess not. Tobey Maguire was a nice guest and tried to be engaging, but he's one of those guys who just seems uncomfortable in interviews. Tom Dreesen is an old comedian who opened for Frank Sinatra and it seemed like him and Dave were old buddies. They recounted a few stories about old people and were probably having a better time than the audience. Then there's Alicia Keys.
Dave gave a fantastic intro for her, along the lines of "When you get these tickets for free and you see me up here, it makes sense. But then when you get someone as incredibly talented as Alicia Keys, it's a real treat. Your eyes might literally pop out of their sockets, she's so talented. Ladies and gentlemen, the one and only, Alicia Keys." Alicia then started playing, asked for some ajustments to the sound levels and stopped so Dave could introduce her again, except Dave, sitting at his desk yelled out "Alicia Keys everybody! Thanks for coming everyone!". After that, the producers told him to give another intro. So he picked up the CD looking dejected and said "Hey everyone, so we've got someone here, she's gonna sing some songs, I guess." It was obviously cut from the broadcast, but was probably the biggest laughs of the night. And of course Keys was great. She sang a solo version of Empire State of Mind and her voice and thighs are pretty damned impressive in person.
Other quick notes about The Late Show... Dave takes his blazer off during every commercial break and puts it back on seconds before they're back on air... The show was taped pretty much exactly how it's shown. When there's a commercial break the band plays and they come back right around the end of the song. The whole taping was almost exactly one hour long... During every commercial break the set is flooded with production assistants and other random people. And then in seconds they disappear just in time to come back from break... We're pretty sure they specifically put couples in the floor seats in front. At least that's the impression we got. We were two guys, so I think they just threw us in the balcony... We couldn't keep our tickets as souvenirs. They were taken at the door and we couldn't get them when we left, which kinda sucks...
After that, it was another overnight bus back home to Montreal. I got home at 6:00 AM... then took a shower and went to work at 7. Usually I pride myself on doing stuff like that, but that time I maybe should have called in sick again. Here's an email I wrote to friends when we were discussing our weekend a few days later...
Here's a quick update on me, since I think my story should be heard...
Since leaving you all Sunday around 1PM, I still have not laid down. From getting out of bed Sunday morning, I'll just say 9AM, until now, a span of ALMOST 55 HOURS, I have yet lie down. I'd say it's also likely that I have not slept for more than an hour consecutively. I have sat down and leaned up against things at many angles, including a short stretch curled in the fetal position on the bus ride home, but still haven't felt completely comfortable in almost 3 days now.
I'm just finishing my work day, after getting into my house at 6AM this morning and leaving for work an hour later. I know you're thinking "Jesse, that's ridiculous and stupid. Why didn't you lie down when you got home?" Because I fear I will lapse into a low-grade coma the second my head hits a proper pillow and was determined to work today. Here's a short list of things that may happen to you if you don't lie down for 2 and a half days...
- My feet feel swollen.
- My legs are very stiff and some very specific muscles I didn't know I had are very sore. This was from walking around Manhattan from 6AM to 9PM.
- Some minor light-headedness. I blame gravity for depriving my brain of blood.
- My pants don't fit. I think my waist has expanded at least a couple inches. Again, blaming gravity.
- The combination of leg pain and minor light-headnesses make me feel like I'm walking on stilts.
I think I'm ready to sleep a solid 13 hours tonight.
Jesse
PS. It was worth it to see Letterman.
Now I remember why I stopped posting so often... it takes forever to write these things. Seriously, can I get an editor?
So, uh... I guess I should address the fact that I haven't posted anything in over 4 months. It'd be a little awkward if I don't, wouldn't it? Alright, let's just say that I'm a really lazy person. Really, really lazy. That's the main reason. Anyone who knows me will tell you this is true. But if you want me to make excuses, I can do that! There was a 1 month stretch where my computer didn't work... In the past 2 months I've been in the Dominican Republic, Toronto, New York and Pittsburgh.... I was kidnapped... Most of that stuff is true. But I know that none of those reasons are a good excuse. Especially not an excuse to have not done any stand up comedy. Rest assured, the lack of activity wasn't due to me blowing up. When I do blow up, I'll be sure to give you the play by play.
On the bright side, the few of you who do read this piped up and told me to write something new, so I guess I'm doing something right. And I am planning to do an open mic, hopefully this Monday. I'll give you the usual report.
I might as well tell a little story while I'm here. Maybe the aforementioned travelling? Let's start with the Toronto/New York trip.
A friend of mine got married over the holidays and we decided to have his bachelor party in Toronto. I know, I know... it's insane to leave Montreal for a bachelor party in Toronto, but considering where everyone lived, it was easily the best destination. Now, you'd think the party would make up the brunt of this story, but I'm just going to gloss over it. Bachelor party antics should not be photographed or repeated. That being said, beer, strippers, shots, kareoke, beer, a handlebar moustache, shots, unbuttoned shirts, shots, vomitting, a cute midget and more beer all played a vital role in the evening. All of that stuff is true. Honestly.
What happened after the party was of more importance. Two days prior to leaving for Toronto, a friend who was there called me and asked if I needed to be home by Monday. I told him I had to work, but asked why? He had an extra ticket to see Late Show with David Letterman. I took a second to think about it before realizing I'd never have another chance to see him again. He said this was the third time he'd requested tickets and this was the first time he'd gotten a response. His plan was simple: the Sunday after the party, I stick around in T.O. to take a bus overnight to New York. We hang around Manhattan all day, then go see the Friday night taping at 6:00 PM. Then we take the bus home to our respective cities. I've definitely done crazier things than that. I was in.
So the morning after the party, my friends woke up WAY too early considering the night we had before. We were all pretty much awake by 9:00 and I felt WAY too good considering the night we had before. I didn't realize it until a couple hours later when the hangover hit me, but I was still drunk when I got up. I was barely able to hold down the dim sum in Chinatown, no thanks to my chef buddy who ordered the chicken feet, claiming that collagen was the future of cooking. All I wanted to do was lie down... and realized I wouldn't be able to do that until I got back to Montreal.
Of note, before going to the States, I realized I brought some Cuban cigars to celebrate with, but we never ended up smoking them. I knew I couldn't bring them across the border, so I got a bubble wrap envelope and sent them back to my house in the mail. C'mon, that's pretty ingenious, isn't it? Would you have thought of that? Yeah... sure you would have.
By the time we took the bus for New York, I was dead tired. The only problem was sleeping in vehicles is not my forte. I probably got an hour or two out of sheer exhaustion, and that was broken up by pit stops and crossing the border, where this conversation happened:
Officer: "Where are you from?/Where are you going?/Why are you going?/How long are you staying?"
Jesse: "Montreal, Canada/New York city/David Letterman taping/24 hours"
Officer: "Travelling tickets please."
Jesse: [hands over bus ticket to New York]
Officer: "Where is your return ticket?"
Jesse: "I haven't bought it yet."
Officer: "Why not?"
Jesse: "Uh, I don't know, I was gonna buy it when I go home."
Officer: [starts staring me down] "How are you going to buy it?"
Jesse: "Uh... with my bank account."
Officer: [not too pleased with my answer] "And how much is in your bank account?"
Jesse: "Uhhhh... around 1000$"
Officer: [clearly not believing me] "1000$?"
Jesse: "Yes."
Officer: [long pause while looking over everything on his little screen] "Next time have your return ticket ready."
Jesse: [wondering what the hell this guy's problem is] "Yes. Thank you."
I answered everything very matter of factedly, which probably made him realize I had no idea what I was doing. Because as soon as I got back into the bus, my friend showed me a little pamphlet Greyhound gives out when you buy a ticket. Rule number one was "Make sure you buy your return ticket when travelling across the border." And then written in bold right under it: "PASSENGERS WITHOUT A RETURN TICKET ARE FREQUENTLY DENIED ACCESS AT THE BORDER." Had I seen that before I crossed the border, I likely would have been a nervous wreck. I would have been stranded in Buffalo, at midnight on Sunday. In retrospect, this story would have been a lot more exciting had that happened, because the more I write, the more I'm realizing this is going nowhere. Let's try to wrap this up in note form...
- We arrived in New York at 6:00 am, before the sun even came up. I think it's about as empty as you'll ever see Broadway, which was pretty cool.
- For the sake of the story, I've been telling people I called in sick from the middle of Times Square. In reality, I was standing in a bank lobby. And I was put on hold for 5 minutes while roaming and calling long distance. I am tempted to file an expense report at work.
- Halfway through the day I wanted to change socks, so I stopped in central park to look for a pair in my bag. I was sure I had an extra pair left but couldn't find them. I ended up emptying my whole knapsack trying to find them to no avail. I'm sure the passersby had a nice laugh at the guy rifling through a pile of dirty clothes.
- Famiglia Pizza: Greasy, but pretty good.
- The NBC store was pretty awesome. My favourite items were a Dunder Mifflin warehouse shirt, a Top Chef apron and some fantastic Bayside High School sweatshirts. Meanwhile, the CBS was smaller than a Starbucks and the only item that drew my interest was a How I Met Your Mother coffee mug. They might as well call it "The CSI Store".
Screw note form, Letterman should have some detail. We were told to show up at the Ed Sullivan theatre around 4:00 PM and there was already a pretty big lineup. Fortunately, it's not general admission. While no seat is assigned, you're divided into predetermined sections of the theatre. After getting assigned a colour we were told to come back at 5:15, just enough time for a quick pint or two. Once we got back the interns gave everyone the whole spiel. Laugh loud and often, don't scream "Woooooo!", play along when Dave mentions Avatar because we're taping for the day it premiers. They were all pretty talkative and cheerful.
First impression upon walking into the theatre was that it was a lot smaller than I thought it'd be. It was a very intimate setting. The balcony was right on top of the floor, which sounds obvious, I suppose. But really, it's hanging over the floor seats as much as it possibly can. My friend and I were seated in the balcony, right over Paul and the CBS Orchestra. Not a bad sightline, but probably some of the worst seats in the crowd. C'est la vie.
The house comic is Eddie Brill. He did a quick 5 minutes to warm up the crowd. Not bad, but nothing special. I couldn't remember a single one of his jokes the next day, so forgettable might be the best way to describe him. Then Dave came sprinting out from backstage for a quick chat with everyone. I was really surprised by his energy level, especially for the 2nd taping of the day. Finally, the show opened and the guests were introduced... Tobey Maguire (meh, could be worse), Tom Dreesen (uh, sure) and Alicia Keys (hello!). The crowd really went nuts for Keys.
Dave gave a pretty long monologue and, much to the surprise of my friend and I, took a few good shots at Tiger Woods. This was around the time the story was breaking and every day there were new mistresses popping up. We thought that infidelity was something Dave might go easy on. Guess not. Tobey Maguire was a nice guest and tried to be engaging, but he's one of those guys who just seems uncomfortable in interviews. Tom Dreesen is an old comedian who opened for Frank Sinatra and it seemed like him and Dave were old buddies. They recounted a few stories about old people and were probably having a better time than the audience. Then there's Alicia Keys.
Dave gave a fantastic intro for her, along the lines of "When you get these tickets for free and you see me up here, it makes sense. But then when you get someone as incredibly talented as Alicia Keys, it's a real treat. Your eyes might literally pop out of their sockets, she's so talented. Ladies and gentlemen, the one and only, Alicia Keys." Alicia then started playing, asked for some ajustments to the sound levels and stopped so Dave could introduce her again, except Dave, sitting at his desk yelled out "Alicia Keys everybody! Thanks for coming everyone!". After that, the producers told him to give another intro. So he picked up the CD looking dejected and said "Hey everyone, so we've got someone here, she's gonna sing some songs, I guess." It was obviously cut from the broadcast, but was probably the biggest laughs of the night. And of course Keys was great. She sang a solo version of Empire State of Mind and her voice and thighs are pretty damned impressive in person.
Other quick notes about The Late Show... Dave takes his blazer off during every commercial break and puts it back on seconds before they're back on air... The show was taped pretty much exactly how it's shown. When there's a commercial break the band plays and they come back right around the end of the song. The whole taping was almost exactly one hour long... During every commercial break the set is flooded with production assistants and other random people. And then in seconds they disappear just in time to come back from break... We're pretty sure they specifically put couples in the floor seats in front. At least that's the impression we got. We were two guys, so I think they just threw us in the balcony... We couldn't keep our tickets as souvenirs. They were taken at the door and we couldn't get them when we left, which kinda sucks...
After that, it was another overnight bus back home to Montreal. I got home at 6:00 AM... then took a shower and went to work at 7. Usually I pride myself on doing stuff like that, but that time I maybe should have called in sick again. Here's an email I wrote to friends when we were discussing our weekend a few days later...
Here's a quick update on me, since I think my story should be heard...
Since leaving you all Sunday around 1PM, I still have not laid down. From getting out of bed Sunday morning, I'll just say 9AM, until now, a span of ALMOST 55 HOURS, I have yet lie down. I'd say it's also likely that I have not slept for more than an hour consecutively. I have sat down and leaned up against things at many angles, including a short stretch curled in the fetal position on the bus ride home, but still haven't felt completely comfortable in almost 3 days now.
I'm just finishing my work day, after getting into my house at 6AM this morning and leaving for work an hour later. I know you're thinking "Jesse, that's ridiculous and stupid. Why didn't you lie down when you got home?" Because I fear I will lapse into a low-grade coma the second my head hits a proper pillow and was determined to work today. Here's a short list of things that may happen to you if you don't lie down for 2 and a half days...
- My feet feel swollen.
- My legs are very stiff and some very specific muscles I didn't know I had are very sore. This was from walking around Manhattan from 6AM to 9PM.
- Some minor light-headedness. I blame gravity for depriving my brain of blood.
- My pants don't fit. I think my waist has expanded at least a couple inches. Again, blaming gravity.
- The combination of leg pain and minor light-headnesses make me feel like I'm walking on stilts.
I think I'm ready to sleep a solid 13 hours tonight.
Jesse
PS. It was worth it to see Letterman.
Now I remember why I stopped posting so often... it takes forever to write these things. Seriously, can I get an editor?
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Norm MacDonald ESPY Monologue
This clip combines my love of sports with my love of Norm MacDonald. And my love of awkward audience reactions. Ken Griffey Jr, I'm looking at you.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Cerebral? Really?
After moving in with my girlfriend, getting a dog and going to weddings almost every weekend for about two months, my summer is finally slowing down a little. And to celebrate, I went to an open mic last Monday.
I hadn't really prepared much for it. It was the first time that I wasn't using any new jokes and I just cobbled together 5 minutes from stuff I'd already written and performed, hoping to put together a real strong set. Whether I accomplished that or not is up for debate.
Here's the thing... considering the prep I put into it, I was remarkably comfortable on stage. I thought I was smooth, composed and had a good rhythm going. I didn't fuck anything up and never stuttered. I even ad libbed a little, which I had never done before. It felt pretty good. But for whatever reason, the crowd wasn't digging me at all. I have a joke about birds becoming religious terrorists because they've learned how to take down planes. Hell, since it seems like any video of me is on a permanent hiatus, here it goes...
"I don't like birds, but I do like foreigners... which is a little confusing, since they're both friendly, everywhere and have learned how to take down planes... In one fell swoop, birds have become religious terrorists. You see, they've always been the animal closest to God... and now they want the sky back. Apparently, a 747 is no match for a flock of suicidal seagulls. I know, I know... I shouldn't joke about that. I mean, birds are dumb, but even they don't believe in God."
I like that joke, I think it's pretty strong and has gotten a good reaction each time so far. This time, it was only a couple laughs from the back. I was frustrated and quipped "You guys read the news, right? You know that birds took down a plane? -silence- Of course you do, you're an educated crowd." At another point there was a lonely Nelson Muntz-esque "Ha-HA" after a joke and immediately mocked the laugh and said "I don't need your pity laughs." So yeah, didn't go as well as I hoped. I didn't come close to bombing, but my favourite jokes didn't go over.
After I walked back a couple other comics said they liked it. One even said "I think your stuff was a little too cerebral for this crowd." I didn't think so, until a guy who went up after me and started with this joke.
"So I take the bus a lot, right? And you know what happens on the bus, people ask for your seat. So this old lady comes up to me and asks if she can have my seat. Of course, I do what anyone would do, I said 'Shut up you old bitch and sit on the floor!!!" [uproarious laughter] Anyways, I guess I just have to continue to find my audience, because a crowd that laughs at that certainly is not it.
As for the shameful lack of activity on this blog, I've been having a hard time thinking of things to write about. At first it was easy since I was taking classes every week and had plenty of stuff to cover. But now, unless I'm going up on stage all the time (which I suppose I should be doing) I find myself with little to impart your way. One idea I've had is to start reviewing comedy albums, like a music critic. Like, one a month or week something. I dunno... just something to keep this thing going and make sure I am writing. I could easily write about 10 reviews of albums I already listen to, so it seems logical and hopefully even entertaining.
Until then, go back and read some old posts. Maybe you missed a joke or two. They're like leftover chili. Always better the second time around.
I hadn't really prepared much for it. It was the first time that I wasn't using any new jokes and I just cobbled together 5 minutes from stuff I'd already written and performed, hoping to put together a real strong set. Whether I accomplished that or not is up for debate.
Here's the thing... considering the prep I put into it, I was remarkably comfortable on stage. I thought I was smooth, composed and had a good rhythm going. I didn't fuck anything up and never stuttered. I even ad libbed a little, which I had never done before. It felt pretty good. But for whatever reason, the crowd wasn't digging me at all. I have a joke about birds becoming religious terrorists because they've learned how to take down planes. Hell, since it seems like any video of me is on a permanent hiatus, here it goes...
"I don't like birds, but I do like foreigners... which is a little confusing, since they're both friendly, everywhere and have learned how to take down planes... In one fell swoop, birds have become religious terrorists. You see, they've always been the animal closest to God... and now they want the sky back. Apparently, a 747 is no match for a flock of suicidal seagulls. I know, I know... I shouldn't joke about that. I mean, birds are dumb, but even they don't believe in God."
I like that joke, I think it's pretty strong and has gotten a good reaction each time so far. This time, it was only a couple laughs from the back. I was frustrated and quipped "You guys read the news, right? You know that birds took down a plane? -silence- Of course you do, you're an educated crowd." At another point there was a lonely Nelson Muntz-esque "Ha-HA" after a joke and immediately mocked the laugh and said "I don't need your pity laughs." So yeah, didn't go as well as I hoped. I didn't come close to bombing, but my favourite jokes didn't go over.
After I walked back a couple other comics said they liked it. One even said "I think your stuff was a little too cerebral for this crowd." I didn't think so, until a guy who went up after me and started with this joke.
"So I take the bus a lot, right? And you know what happens on the bus, people ask for your seat. So this old lady comes up to me and asks if she can have my seat. Of course, I do what anyone would do, I said 'Shut up you old bitch and sit on the floor!!!" [uproarious laughter] Anyways, I guess I just have to continue to find my audience, because a crowd that laughs at that certainly is not it.
As for the shameful lack of activity on this blog, I've been having a hard time thinking of things to write about. At first it was easy since I was taking classes every week and had plenty of stuff to cover. But now, unless I'm going up on stage all the time (which I suppose I should be doing) I find myself with little to impart your way. One idea I've had is to start reviewing comedy albums, like a music critic. Like, one a month or week something. I dunno... just something to keep this thing going and make sure I am writing. I could easily write about 10 reviews of albums I already listen to, so it seems logical and hopefully even entertaining.
Until then, go back and read some old posts. Maybe you missed a joke or two. They're like leftover chili. Always better the second time around.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Just For Laughs and Louis CK
(Note: I started writing this on July 28th, then didn't finish it. Then I rewrote it today, August 14th, and Blogger is giving me credit for having written it on July 28th. I don't know how I feel about that. Or whether it even matters. Moving along...)
A few weeks ago Montreal hosted their annual Just For Laughs festival. Last I heard, it was the largest comedy festival in the world and always attracts some pretty big names in comedy. In fact, let me do a little research...
Well, I can only find the 2007 numbers right off the bat, since that was the 25th anniversary of the festival and they broke all their records, which were probably broken once again this year.
Number of indoor shows: 445
Number of outdoor shows: 1288
Number of artists: 1,682
Number countries represented: 19
Number of venues: 25
Festival attendance including ticketed and outdoor attendance: an estimated 2 million people
So that gives you all an idea of how big this thing is. All that to say, I went to see Louis CK on July 24th and was pretty much blown away. Not only that, but Jimmy Carr surprise opened for him with a quick 20 minute set before Louis took the stage. I'm a pretty big fan of Jimmy Carr and wouldn't hesitate to see him headline an event, so it was a real treat to see him open.
And then Louis CK came out and threw down 90 minutes of comedy. It was pretty impressive, to say the least. The first 70 minutes was all new material that I'd never heard, coming from someone who is putting out one hour specials every year. He recently went through a divorce, so his usual family themed (but definitely not family friendly) observations all had a new twist to it as he spoke about splitting up and being single again. And then for an encore, he went into an extended version of his "Everything is awesome, nobody is happy" bit that he did on Conan and is now a YouTube sensation. I posted it a few months ago, for anyone not familiar, just click on the Louis CK label to find it.
By the end of the evening my face hurt. The laughs were pretty much non-stop. I don't think a whole minute went by without cracking up. If that wasn't a big name comedian performing at the top of his game, then I don't know what is.
A few weeks ago Montreal hosted their annual Just For Laughs festival. Last I heard, it was the largest comedy festival in the world and always attracts some pretty big names in comedy. In fact, let me do a little research...
Well, I can only find the 2007 numbers right off the bat, since that was the 25th anniversary of the festival and they broke all their records, which were probably broken once again this year.
Number of indoor shows: 445
Number of outdoor shows: 1288
Number of artists: 1,682
Number countries represented: 19
Number of venues: 25
Festival attendance including ticketed and outdoor attendance: an estimated 2 million people
So that gives you all an idea of how big this thing is. All that to say, I went to see Louis CK on July 24th and was pretty much blown away. Not only that, but Jimmy Carr surprise opened for him with a quick 20 minute set before Louis took the stage. I'm a pretty big fan of Jimmy Carr and wouldn't hesitate to see him headline an event, so it was a real treat to see him open.
And then Louis CK came out and threw down 90 minutes of comedy. It was pretty impressive, to say the least. The first 70 minutes was all new material that I'd never heard, coming from someone who is putting out one hour specials every year. He recently went through a divorce, so his usual family themed (but definitely not family friendly) observations all had a new twist to it as he spoke about splitting up and being single again. And then for an encore, he went into an extended version of his "Everything is awesome, nobody is happy" bit that he did on Conan and is now a YouTube sensation. I posted it a few months ago, for anyone not familiar, just click on the Louis CK label to find it.
By the end of the evening my face hurt. The laughs were pretty much non-stop. I don't think a whole minute went by without cracking up. If that wasn't a big name comedian performing at the top of his game, then I don't know what is.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Slacking a little bit...
So it's been a long time since I've posted anything here, or anywhere, for that matter. Here's the scoop of what I've been up to lately and for the next little while...
I moved on July 1st and was really busy with that. I'm pretty much settled in now, although I've still got a few boxes to unpack and shelves to put up, it's at the point where I'm comfortable enough that I've lost motivation to keep unpacking. Why do work when you can sit and watch tv? Then, I've got two weddings to go to in the next couple weekends, including a few parties and seeing lots of friends visiting from out of town. And I'm still playing softball a couple times a week, primarily on the open mic nights.
Unfortunately, because of all this, I haven't had much time to do anything comedic lately. I suppose I should be making the time, but I've been sidetracked by that other stuff. I keep seeing my classmates going to shows (in some cases multiple times a week) and I can't help but feel like I'm really slacking off right now. I'm not even getting out there to support them because I've got something going pretty much every night.
I've gotta start putting other stuff on hold and making stand-up more of a priority. Which is easier said than done, but I might as well let everyone know that I know that I'm a slacker. Which should also come as no surprise to anyone who knows me.
I moved on July 1st and was really busy with that. I'm pretty much settled in now, although I've still got a few boxes to unpack and shelves to put up, it's at the point where I'm comfortable enough that I've lost motivation to keep unpacking. Why do work when you can sit and watch tv? Then, I've got two weddings to go to in the next couple weekends, including a few parties and seeing lots of friends visiting from out of town. And I'm still playing softball a couple times a week, primarily on the open mic nights.
Unfortunately, because of all this, I haven't had much time to do anything comedic lately. I suppose I should be making the time, but I've been sidetracked by that other stuff. I keep seeing my classmates going to shows (in some cases multiple times a week) and I can't help but feel like I'm really slacking off right now. I'm not even getting out there to support them because I've got something going pretty much every night.
I've gotta start putting other stuff on hold and making stand-up more of a priority. Which is easier said than done, but I might as well let everyone know that I know that I'm a slacker. Which should also come as no surprise to anyone who knows me.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Michael Jackson
I forgot to throw this in before posting the last entry, but this probably deserves to be addressed on it's own because it's the topic du jour and I'm nothing if not topical. I like Michael Jackson. Even though I'm more of a rock/alternative/metal kinda guy, my musical interests are all over the map, as I think everyone's should be. (As an aside, has anyone ever browsed your iPod and said "Wow, there's a lot of weird/different/strange stuff on here"? I think that's a good thing. I'd be disturbed by someone who has 30 gigs worth of one genre of music.)
Anyways, my point is that Michael Jackson made great music. His talent cannot be denied and is by all accounts not only a musical genius but he can be argued as the greatest entertainer of all time. I get it. But can everyone just calm the fuck down? If I read one more person's Twitter or Facebook update about him then I'm gonna start burning his albums out of spite. It's been 48 hours and I'm still getting "This is hitting me harder than I thought it would!" and "I still can't believe he's gone!" and "RIP MJ! we'll miss u :-("
And as far as the media's reaction to it all? I'll let Jon Lajoie handle that... and no, it's not too soon.
Anyways, my point is that Michael Jackson made great music. His talent cannot be denied and is by all accounts not only a musical genius but he can be argued as the greatest entertainer of all time. I get it. But can everyone just calm the fuck down? If I read one more person's Twitter or Facebook update about him then I'm gonna start burning his albums out of spite. It's been 48 hours and I'm still getting "This is hitting me harder than I thought it would!" and "I still can't believe he's gone!" and "RIP MJ! we'll miss u :-("
And as far as the media's reaction to it all? I'll let Jon Lajoie handle that... and no, it's not too soon.
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