Week 1

So last night I had my first class at the Comedynest and took my first step to becoming a stand-up comic. People slowly trickled into the club and grabbed a chair while Joey chatted with a few people and watched everyone walk in. He commented on how interesting it was to see some people’s body language. That some of us looked nervous and then others had a look on their face like they were ready to go. While I’ll admit to a few butterflies, I’d like to think I fell into the latter category. I typically grabbed a seat near the back, but thought better of it and moved up to the front corner, right at the side of the stage. Glad I did too, because from my angle I was able to scope out the rest of the crowd.

There’s about 20-25 of us. I’d say more than half the class was guys in their mid to late 40’s. At least I’m having my mid-life crisis a little early. There were 5 girls, which Joey was very impressed with, since there are very few lady comics working in Montreal these days. The first thing we had to do, not surprisingly, was walk up to the stage with the lights on you and introduce yourself to everyone. Name, age, what you do, where you’re from and why you’re here. Pretty standard stuff. One caveat: no microphone. He said we’ll spend a whole class on mic techniques later. For now he wants us to project our voice.

Here’s my introduction:

Jesse: “Hey, my name is Jesse. I’m 27 years old, born and raised in Montreal. NDG, to be specific. I work for Volkswagen Finance. And like everyone else here, I’m a big fan of comedy. I’ve been wanting to try stand-up for a while and came across this course while checking out local shows. I just thought it’d be a great place to start.”
Joey: “So what does Volkswagen finance?”
Jesse: “Mostly cars, I assume.”
Joey: “And have you ever performed before?”
Jesse: “Nope. Never.”
Joey: “And who’s your favourite comedian?”
Jesse: [brief pause] “Norm Macdonald.”
Joey: “Wow. I was not expecting that answer.”
Jesse: “Really? Norm’s the best. I can’t not laugh at him.”
Joey: “Yeah, it’s a good answer. Cool.”

Afterwards I asked him why Norm was an unexpected answer. He said that not many people know he even did stand-up, that they think of him just from Saturday Night Live. He said he’d never gotten that answer before, it was very refreshing. If he’s used to people not knowing Norm did stand-up, then I’m not sure what to expect from the rest of the class anymore. That’s absurd.

First impressions of my comedy comrades: There are a few strange ones on the group, which was totally expected. We witnessed a lot of pacing around and hands in pockets. A few people even put their hand up to block the glare of the lights. That strikes me as a bad habit. Although, the lights were a lot brighter than I thought they’d be. I had to fight off the urge to put my hand up and I could barely see anyone in the audience. There were also a few really interesting jobs. One girl was a war crimes lawyer, but got out of that and took an improv class at Second City in Toronto. So she clearly has an unfair advantage, since war crimes are hilarious. I definitely would like to ask her about that at some point. One guy is an unemployed circus performer. A couple people were writers or have a writing background. Then there were a handful of people who are currently doing standup or have in the past and just want to learn more or get back into it.

After the intros, Joey said that we all did pretty well and he wasn’t worried about anyone. I don’t know about that. There were a couple people who looked terribly uncomfortable up on stage. I’m rooting for everyone, but I think some folk are gonna struggle with this. “You can’t fail this class.” Joey said. We’ll see about that. On the other hand, there were at least 3 people who I think will end up being very funny.

Most of us were pretty quiet and attentive, except for one guy who kept trying to get a few one liners in and sat there with a smug smile on his face afterwards. For instance, while Joey was talking about a few words to avoid, such as the “C-word”, Smuggy said “Chicken?” to a few chuckles. Yup. And that was probably his best one.

I dropped one line that I couldn’t resist. While introducing himself, this guy said we were lucky he showed up because he was missing women’s curling. A few people laughed, but he kept talking about it until it was obvious he wasn’t joking in the slightest, going on about Jennifer Jones winning gold in 2010. He said he was taping it and was going to watch it the second he got home. Joey said “Alright then, we don’t want you to miss too much so we’ll try to hurry this up for you.” To which I replied “Hurry hard!” just loud enough for a few people around me to hear. It got a good reaction. It’s a curling joke. If you didn’t get it, then you’re probably not Canadian.

The rest of the class he spoke about a lot of the basics. “Be yourself.” “Be confident.” “Speak clearly and enunciate.” Nothing you can’t figure out on your own. There was one thing he did say that stuck with me. “Comedy is all about misdirection. It’s basically magic, but with wordplay.” Another pretty obvious point, but I really liked how he put it. He already wasn’t expecting me to say Norm Macdonald, so I’m obviously on the right track, n’est ce pas?

We got our first assignment as well. List 3 things that are obvious to other people about you, 5 negative characteristics and 10 things you hate, that bother you and that scare you. No funny stuff yet, just an honest list to start working from. And from there we’ll learn how to build the setup, the punch line and the tag. Bonus: We can get into Thursday night shows for free to watch as much comedy as we can. I think I’ll be taking more than a few field trips for this class.

And that concluded our first session. Overall, it really wasn’t bad. I think there’s gonna be some good times ahead. Not to mention our ‘graduation’, when we all perform a 5 minute set in front of a live audience filled with family and friends. Now THAT is gonna be fun.

Tommy Johnagin

I'm a Toys R Us kid.

On Sunday night I went to an Oscar Party. I used capital letters to stress the importance of this event. Because let me tell you something, that Oscar Party was a very important day in my life.

The friend who had the party usually has friends over for poker. We drink beer, watch Arrested Development and don't act very grown up. That night I thought we'd wager on the winners and drink beer. On the way there I called him:

Me: "Hey, you want me to pick anything up? Drinks? Snacks?"
Him: "Uhhh... no, that's okay. We're good for food. There's punch, but you'll have to buy beer if you want."
Me [delighted]: "Nice! Punch sounds great! See you soon!"

What I walked into was no mere poker night. There were dozens of people crammed into his apartment and we celebrated the most pretentious award show in the world at a party that was classier than the real thing. There was a 7 foot tall lamp shaped like Oscar. There was a projection screen for the telecast and a monitor showing real time updates of who had picked the most winners. And his place was probably better catered than the actual ceremony. Sumptuous only begins to describe the food. No one could say enough about the hosts. It really was a great time. We even had a chocolate fountain. Absolutely a momentous first in my life, but not why this was evening was so important.

It was the first time I was at a party with babies. Not just any babies. My friend's babies. Babies that my friends have. My friends have babies and brought them to an Oscar Party. A couple of us looked at each other, realizing this was only the first of many get togethers involving babies. Everything has changed.

And then the hosts announce that they are engaged. Hugs, kisses and scotch all around.

Me: "You know what, I suspected it."
Him: "Really??? Why?"
Me: "You asked for my address a couple weeks ago. I thought it'd be for invites."
Him: "That was for this party. You didn't check your mailbox?"
Me: "Oh. Not really. I, uh, don't get much mail." (If I HAD checked my mail, like I did when I got home, I would have known what kind of fabulous shindig it was going to be.)

To clarify, I'm 27 years old. I really should have been expecting this. Some of my friends are married and several more are engaged. I was also aware that a few friends (and friends of friends) were pregnant. And that some of them even had babies. I just wasn't expecting to be watching a tuxedo clad Hugh Jackman dance around while eating a chorizo-stuffed-date-wrapped-in-bacon and trying not to spill my punch on the smiling babies trying to walk next to me when I woke up Sunday morning.

Don't get me wrong. I think reproducing is pretty cool. I wouldn't have it any other way. It's just a little snooty of my friends to be bringing them to parties, that's all. Bunch of showoffs. It's like they're just daring me to kidnap them. Did I say that out loud?

"It's the final countdown!" (cue awesome synthesizer)

Well, I'm a week away from my first stand-up class, if I can even call it that, and I have no idea what to expect from it. I discovered the course while checking out upcoming shows at a comedy club. Here's the ad:

"So you think you're funny? Learn stand-up from a pro Joey Elias and The Nest present a 20-hour course (10 weeks) Sunday evenings beginning March 1st $200.00 / space is limited"

Joey Elias is a pretty well known local comic and is actually quite funny. I've had the pleasure of seeing him perform and remember listening to an afternoon radio show he used to co-host on The Team 990, Montreal's sports radio station. That must have been 7 or 8 years ago. Now he's hosting The Comedy Hour on CJAD every weekday night at 11 PM. He's described it as a "Comedy Writing Course" on the air and last I heard there was only one spot left. Them spots are selling like hotcakes, I tells ya.

Either way, I didn't think too hard before signing up for the course. If anything I'm sure it'll be a good time and I'll meet some interesting people. In the meantime, I've been reading over stuff that I've previously written, just to try and have some ideas to work with on the first day. Hopefully there's no pop quiz.

I hope you enjoyed the clip of Anthony Jeselnik I posted. There isn't much I've found out about him, but that set is borderline genius as far as I'm concerned. Definitely worthy of being the first one on my blog. I'm going to keep posting videos of my favourite comedians, whether they be well known or just something I stumbled upon.

Anthony Jeselnik

...but why?

Throughout my childhood and most of high school, I was a pretty quiet kid. I always sat in the back of the bus, the corner of the classroom and only spoke when spoken to. It's not so much that I was shy, I just preferred to watch. You learn more by observing. Then towards the end of high school and heading into CEGEP (a two year stint between high school and university in Quebec) I became a little more comfortable being a part of the action, whether at school or otherwise. Slowly but surely, I began to enjoy being the source of entertainment for my friends, either intentionally or not.

Looking back on that time it might have seemed like I was looking for attention throughout my two years in CEGEP. At various times my hair was blond, red or blue. I sported every conceivable style of facial hair and threw in a couple piercings for good measure. I wore bright and colourful clothes just because if I saw someone else wearing them it'd probably make me laugh. It wasn't really a rebellion. I wasn't trying to make a statement with anything I did. It simply amused me. In some classes, I would throw out one-liners every chance I got. Even a couple teachers would pause and say "Good one". Then in some internet survey that was emailed around, a few people wrote that I was the funniest person they knew. I was probably a little too proud of that. Those emails might as well have been a trophy for me.

I also had the pleasure of growing up in a large family where poking fun at each other isn't just the norm, it's practically our pastime. Several of my most cherished memories are from family reunions. Tales of mischief are requisite conversation for any gathering of family and friends. Even our ritual Sunday dinner rarely goes by without my dad telling us stories that happened 30 years ago. Making fun of people and being made fun of is just my idea of a good time.

During a particularly jolly Christmas visit a few years ago, my cousins came over to our house. My cousin's girlfriend had never been to our place before and I overheard her say to him something along the lines of "Everyone's so happy here, it's just constant laughter! It's crazy!". I immediately thanked her for the compliment and to this day think it was one of the nicest things anyone's ever said about me or my family.

What it all boils down to is, I'm just a sucker for comedy. I'm just as likely to be trying to lighten the mood as I am to be laughing out loud alone in my house.

Laughter is the soundtrack to my life and I want to crank up the volume.

Introductions

Good evening ladies and gentlemen. My name is Jesse G and every so often, I'll think to myself "I wanna be a stand-up comic. I'm pretty funny. I'm not afraid of the spotlight. And it sure sounds like a lot more fun than anything else I've been doing the past 10 years."

Now, I know that it's not that simple. I know that it's damned hard to stand up in front a group of people who are expecting to laugh, who have paid to laugh, and make them laugh. I am absolutely not as good I think I would be. I know this.

However, I just can't help myself. I think I could get the hang of it if I'd only go out there and give it a shot. Call it confidence or call it naivete, but I really do believe I'd be able to at least perform a decent 5 minutes of comedy. Maybe even several 5 minutes of comedy.

Between the few weeks where I am consumed by the idea of being a comic until the day I convince myself I'm an idiot, I've carried around a notebook to jot down anything I think is funny. Sometimes I'll sit down at a cafe and write pages on a single subject. I've also recorded myself and listened to it weeks later. Usually, half of what I say is no longer funny... at least to me. And of course the other half really isn't all that bad... at least to me. Time to find out once and for all if it's just me.

All of this to say, that this blog will chronicle my attempt at Stand-Up Comedy. This whole experiment may only last a few months, culminating with a painful 5 minute routine on Open Mic Night where I realize everything I believe in is wrong. Or I may exceed my wildest expectations and actually earn a single dollar by way of laughter. This page will also serve as a regular old journal and may continue in that capacity once my dreams are crushed. I've always enjoyed writing and really have no idea why I don't write more often.

I really don't know what to expect at this point, but the minute I've written this and posted it for others to see, the commitment is made and there's no turning back...

That and I've already plunked down $200 on a stand-up crash course.