The Art of Moviewatching

A friend and I were arguing about whether it's okay to see a movie alone. He routinely goes to the theater by himself and can't fathom how anyone thinks this is a strange thing. Most other people think that seeing a movie by yourself is just plain wrong. "Why do you need someone to see a movie? Do you need someone at home when you watch a movie? You get your popcorn, your Nestle Iced Tea and you enjoy the movie. It's the most natural thing in the world." He makes a good point... or does he?

I actually fall somewhere in the middle of the argument. I probably could see a movie alone. In fact, I once did. A few years ago I found myself downtown with a couple hours to kill before meeting friends. So I decided to see a movie by myself. Jurassic Park 3. And I couldn't help but feel ashamed while I sat there all alone. As did everyone else. The movie was that bad. But in a more accurate way, I had more to feel ashamed of. I had no one to lean over to during the previews and say "I can't believe they made a sequel to that!" or to repeat all my favourite lines during the movie immediately after hearing them.

Aside from the awkward factor, it's a terrible waste of space. You're essentially taking up 3 seats all to yourself. No one will ever sit beside a stranger in a theater unless absolutely necessary. So if you're on your own, that's really 3 seats you're taking up. In other words, you're using only 33% of your socially allotted space. Also to take into consideration is the fact that you're likely to be given more than a 1 seat buffer by anyone in your row. Either they'll assume you have a friend in the lobby or they don't want to sit near the loser who's by himself out of fear you'll start talking to them or, heaven forbid, the movie itself. Of course, the more people in your group, the more efficient your space ratio becomes. For example, a group of 6 people works at a fantastic 75% clip. The only respectable option for a solo viewer is to take an aisle seat. Its benefits are two fold: a) You are taking up the same percentage of seats as a couple and b) You can make a bee line to the exit once the movie's over, to avoid eye contact with anyone who figured out you have no friends.

And then, when you walk out of the theater, you run into someone you know coming out of another movie that just finished. You exchange pleasantries until she asks what movie you saw. You say "Fast & Furious". She laughs nervously and asks who you managed to drag to that. You tell her you saw it alone. She once again laughs nervously. There's an uncomfortable pause... and then she abruptly says she'll see you around.

That's why we don't see movies alone.