Week 7

Last night, after almost exactly a month off, I had a comedy workshop. It was fairly uneventful, but I did have a fun little encounter on the way there. More on that later.

I spent most of the afternoon before the class fine tuning my material and rehearsing it over and over. It was probably the most I'd concentrated on my work since I started. After such a long hiatus, I wanted to return with a bit of a bang. We needed between 4 and 5 minutes of material and after working on it for a couple months, I figured it should be getting pretty close to what we're going to perform. And I also tried something I'd never thought of before. I brought my tape recorder and hit record before taking the stage. I can't believe I never thought of something that simple before. Just goes to show that even though I'm learning, I'm still an idiot.

Having listened back to my set a few times, it's amazing the things you don't notice when you're on stage. Sometimes the tone of my voice isn't even close to what I think it should be. Other times there's scattered laughter where I really don't remember there being any and vice versa. I've picked up a couple words that I need to pronounce a little better and words I should emphasize more. I think I learned more by recording myself, with an audience, than anything else I've done so far.

After my set I got the usual thumbs up from Joey. His only criticism this time was that I was playing with the mic cord. Each time I've gone up I've done something different with the mic. This time I put the stand aside and realized I was playing with the cord a little while I was doing it. I was just trying to get comfortable when I wasn't using my other hand. Apparently that's not a good thing. Oh well. I'll keep it in mind.

I'm also glad to report that there was a very noticeable improvement in practically everyone else in the workshop. It had been a month since I'd seen them and it was obvious we had all been practicing and honing our routine. That was really nice to see. Even the people I thought would really struggle have started coming into their own.

Someone also took pictures and recorded our sets on a video camera. I think we'll get a DVD copy next workshop. Here's a picture of me in the meantime...


Next week is, sigh, another off week because of Mother's Day. Then it's two more workshops and the big show. On the 17th we're getting some one-on-one time with Joey, which I'm really looking forward to. He hasn't been very specific or critical of anything I've done and I've never known quite how to take that. Getting a good 10 minutes alone to just pick his brain on everything I have is gonna be fun. He warned us that he'll be playing the role of Simon Cowell. I think I need a good kick in the ass. My jokes are decent, but I still think it needs a lot of work.


Now, here's what happened on the way there. I'd been psyching myself up all afternoon and was really in the zone when I got off the bus a block away from the club. For anyone who knows Montreal, it was the corner of Sherbrooke and Atwater. And then I heard someone yell "Excuse me! Excuse me, can you please help me?" from the bus shelter. It was an older lady in distress. She was sitting on the bench and holding crutches. Being the good samaritan, I walked over to see if I could lend her a hand.

Lady: "Oh, sir! Please help me! I've, I've lost a contact lens. And... I was just dropped off here and I don't have my transport pass... Can you believe someone did this to me? I'm a student at McGill, I'm in psychology! I've never even heard of anything like this! I'm sorry if I start crying..."
Jesse: "I'm sorry ma'am, is there anything I can do?"

She was clearly in need of help but also very insane. I thought she'd just ask for money, I could say no and walk away.

Lady: "I need to get somewhere by 7... is it 7 PM yet? Oh god, I can't believe this... can you help me to the corner and help me hail a ride?"
Jesse: "Oh, sure. Like a cab?"
Lady: "No, no, I don't have any money... I'm sure someone will help me, I mean, look at me, how could anyone do this? I'm a PhD student!"
Jesse: "Uh, alright, I can do that."

So she stands up very slowly. I put my arm under hers very slowly and she shuffles towards the corner of the street very slowly. But not without criticizing how I'm helping her. "You don't have to hold me up you know, I can stand just find! Just keep your arm under mine! You're taller than me, it hurts if you try to hold me up!" Alright then.

She asks a man walking by us if he's driving anywhere. He says no, he's walking. She yells him the rest of her story for no particular reason while he keeps walking away. Yup. Definitely crazy.

We get to the corner and she asks me to tap the window of a car that is stopped at the light. She yells at them giving her spiel about losing the contact lens and not having a bus pass. They say no and laugh as they drive off. "Did you see that? Those fucking assholes were laughing? Who would laugh at me? They think it's funny... what if it happened to them? Can you fucking believe that?"

At this point I'm starting to get a little impatient. It's 7:05 PM and all I can think of is a way to get out of this without basically dropping this old lady onto the sidewalk. Then a man comes over to me...

Man: "Hey, let me guess, she said she lives in the West Island and she needs money to get home? I gave her $20 last week and have seen her at this corner twice since then. Don't give her anything."
Lady: "Who the fuck are you? I've never seen you before in my life! Don't lie to him, he's just helping me! Look at me, they left me here like this and I lost a contact lens!"
Man: "Dude, just so you know, she's scamming you."
Jesse: "Thanks, I'll be fine."
Lady: "I've never seen that man before, why would he say that to you? Fucking asshole, trying to scare you away like that."

And now, a police car stops at the red light...

Jesse: "Oh look, a police car, they ca-"
Lady: "NO! No, don't even look at them! Don't fucking look at them or get their attention!"
Jesse: [trying not to smile] "Why? They can probably help."
Lady: "No, they'll arrest me."
Jesse: [laughing] "Why?"
Lady: "Because, it's illegal in Montreal to ask for a ride."
Jesse: [stiffling laughter] "Well, under these circumstances I think they could make an excep-"
Lady: [angry] "NO! Please, please do not look at them. Just forget them."

The next car I stop again drives away, but this time I try to take over the talking. She does not like that.

Lady: "Can I ask you something? Please DO NOT talk to them! You'll scare them away, they'll think it's a scam!"
Jesse: "Actually, I think they'd listen to me more than you."
Lady: "No, they'll think we're related and that it's a scam! Please, please, please, don't say anything!"
Jesse : "But you're clearly frustrated and distraught, I think it'd hel-"
Lady: "DON'T TALK TO THEM!"
Jesse: [laughing a little again] "I'll try not to."

By this point, it's been over 10 minutes and my arm is still under hers. As badly as I wanted to get the hell out of there, I couldn't bring myself to just leave her in hysterics, barely able to stand on the corner of the sidewalk. And then a car stops at the red, but in the lane furthest away from us. She asks if I can run across to tap his window so she could talk. She says she'll be fine if I leave her standing there. Free! Free at last!

I run across to the guy, tap the window and start mentally planning my apology to her for leaving when he drives away. But no. This guy actually says he'll help. So he pulls across the lane, cutting through traffic now that the light is green, nearly causing an accident right beside me. He opens the passenger door and I help load her into the car. Meanwhile at least two cars are honking behind him and each time there's a honk, she yells and swears at them.

Just as I close the door, she thanks me and says "You know, if I was in Ottawa the first person would have picked me up!". And the driver immediately says "I am from Ottawa!". I closed the door and walked away briskly while hearing the car peel through the intersection on a yellow light.

I walked into class 15 minutes late and had completely forgotten my entire set. Fucking Ottawa.