This is the running diary of my 25th birthday party. I left it pretty much as is, aside from a few small changes. The postscript at the end was written then as well. I hope it amuses.
6:54 PM - Stop by the bank to take out some money, just in case my cheapskate friends don't pay for me. Man, my friends suck.
6:56 PM - Holy shit... I have significantly more money than I remembered having. Mr Account Balance got me an early present. Either that or Revenue Qubec is processing taxes at an astonishing rate. I suspect the latter.
7:00 PM - Get to Sharx Pool Hall right in time for Game 1 of the Montreal Canadiens vs Carolina Hurricanes. Sister Sheree and Brother Bobby are the only ones there so far. No worries. I'm sure everyone's just warming up and getting ready to leave. Stretching... jogging on the spot... that kinda stuff.
7:11 PM - Matt Cullen scores for the Hurricanes. Less than a minute into the game. Wonderful.
7:20 PM - Bobby: "You just know that some really marginal acquaintance is going to show up first while it's just Sheree and I here. It's gonna be so awkward. I can't wait."
7:30 PM - Like always, Bobby is wrong. Jen and Nancy show up first. We switch tables to somewhere right beside a TV.
8:00 PM - My dad shows up to play a few quick games, says he's gonna teach us what real pool is like. Gives me $50 and says I can keep it if I beat him. And you people wonder why my brother and I are obsessively competitive.
8:01 PM - So my dad's pretty good.
8:03 PM - Alright. I'll get him in the rematch.
(Just to fill you in... according to family lore, my dad was quite the pool hustler in his youth. My grandfather used to hang out at the bar my dad played at because he'd never have to pay for a beer, he'd simply bet on him or my dad would pay the tab with his winnings. He's got a few trophies lying around the house too. I don't remember him being that good when I was a kid, but he obviously went easy on me... and neglected to teach me how to be half as good as him.)
8:10 PM - Tara and Janice show up. So we've got my father, brother, sister, girlfriend, girlfriend's sister... then friend and someone I've never met from Pittsburgh. And here's where I have to make sure they don't think they're walking in on a family reunion. In the background my brother sinks maybe 3 balls in the game against dad. I've got one more match before he has to go.
8:15 PM - After once again clearing off the table, Dad scratches on the eight ball on the easiest shot he had. I seriously question the legitimacy of that shot. My dad walks up to me as I try to hand back the $50 because he took a dive. Without breaking stride he shakes my hand, says "Happy birthday, kid." with a huge smile on his face and walks to the exit. This infuriates me for an instant, before I am quickly cheered up by the fact I'm $50 richer.
8:20 PM - Shane shows up by sneaking up behind me with some girl who I can only assume is a present for my birthday.
8:21 PM - Nope. Apparently they are quite cozy together and are off to go bowling.
8:30 PM - Game update: Habs are winning at this point by at least a couple of goals. Good times, everyone's happy and the TV we're watching is on RDS. Everyone else in the bar is on CBC. Our feed is about 5 seconds faster than theirs, thus we get to cheer for goals first. Suckers.
8:35 PM - Gainer and Tasha walk in. Things are starting to pick up. More food and drinks are ordered and we have a merry time watching the game and playing pool for the next hour and a half. During this time Bobby and Sheree leave, meaning I no longer have to be a role model. In the industry, we call this foreshadowing.
10:00 PM - Habs won, Sharx is done, off to a good pub, Hurley's. Shane and his girl leave us, off to do whatever it is they do.
10:10 PM - We get to Hurley's and grab a room to the left of the bar with plenty of seats and open tables. Only a group of four men are smoking cigars in the corner, but they seem friendly.
10:15 PM - Conversation flowing well... everyone getting along... getting some calls from people saying they'll show up soon. Everything is falling into place.
10:30 PM - The first shots are starting to come in. I specifically request vodka for the evening and Nancy obliges with a shot and a pint of Harp. There's not many good things to say about Nancy, but she does know her alcohol.
10:45 PM - Brad, Duke and Jason show up while Gainer leaves. Decent trade, although our crew is now sorely lacking narcolepsy.
10:50 PM - Matt arrives, followed quickly by Mazzy. Getting a little heavy on the guys right now.
10:53 PM - Tasha leaves and Marc shows up, not necessarily in that order. On one hand, the ratio is getting worse... on the other, Marc buys me a shot. Wait... I'm not sure if either of those are good things.
10:54 PM - Whiskey? Fuck you, Marc. I want vodka.
11:00 PM - Sandy and Amanda arrive to give the group a sorely needed kick of estrogen. They grab the seats right in the middle of everyone and cautiously glance around the room, not sure what they have gotten themselves into.
11:15 PM - A very heated debate breaks out about who would win in an Iron Chef competition between Marc (an actual chef) and I. For the moment, I'll admit that I'm a long shot and that Marc is the Iron Chef, but I think I can pull off an upset. Jen shotguns Chairman, while Marc and I decide on Duke, Tara and Brad as judges. Mazzy even volunteers to tape the proceedings. The theme ingredient is momentarily decided as ketchup but that is later rescinded. Once the logistics are seriously considered, it becomes clear that the chances of this happening are slim. (Although, Jen seems determined to set this up.) [Editor's note: The Iron Chef competition actually happened a while later and I had to forfeit due to illness the day of. Do not bring this up while in my presence.]
11:20 PM - Jon, Ferguson, Obie and Rakish enter the fray. Ferguson immediately orders shots. Whiskey again. Alright, at least my friends aren't cheapskates.
11:45 PM - Jon's girlfriend Myrle makes her debut along with two friends, one of whom I think was named Lindsay. Maybe the other is Rachel. To be honest, I think I could rattle off at least 20 names before I get either of them right. Sadly, I don't think I said a word to any of them other than "Nice to meet you" and "Thanks for coming" a while later. I guess there's always next year.
12:00 AM - A surprise appearance by my godwife Caro. Sandy apparently knows her because they are both from the West Island and play sports. Good for them.
12:15 AM - Someone: "Who wants to play darts?"
Jesse: "I do! I do!"
Nobody: "That's a great idea! I'm gonna go watch!"
Everyone: [dead silence]
12:20 AM - Playing an odd game of darts with Marc, Nancy and Caro. First one to hit 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20 and a Bullseye wins.
12:21 AM - Tanya and Stef join the celebration. Marc and I leave the game to greet them and ask about the Badfish (Sublime tribute band) concert they were coming from. Stef had a few recordings on her cell but the sound quality left much to be desired. I couldn't tell a single song. Or maybe I was getting drunk. Nancy and Caro continue playing...
12:30 AM - Nancy and Caro are still playing and not done the game. Some guy named Mitch is taking shots for Nancy and trying to teach her how to throw. I rejoin the game, hit a bullseye and claim that I'll finish the game in 5 minutes and for everyone to set their watch.
12:36 AM - Game over. I win. I was told it was more than 5 minutes but I'll be damned if it was much more than that.
12:45 AM - Tara and Janice call it a night. In a stroke of pure genius, I slap Tara's ass on the way out. She spins around and inquires about who spanked her. I don't think it could be much clearer that it's the drunk guy grinning like an idiot. Marc points to Duke. Duke points to random man. Random Man: "Yeah. It was me." I keel over laughing and walk away. Word of mouth is that Tara tried to kick random guy in the nuts. Duke offers to buy him a drink but apparently he had a sense of humour about it.
1:00 AM - Jen leaves because she's not feeling well. Boooo-urns. She asks if I'm still doing alright. I reassure her that I'm fine, haven't had too much to drink and I'll see her when I get home. After she walks out I get a nagging suspicion that she didn't believe me... Nah.
1:10 AM - Chugging commences. Or at least, I think it was around here that I started chugging semi-competitively.
1:30 AM - Matt pulls my chair out from under me. I hit my head on the floor. Jerk.
1:30-1:45 AM - I miss several chairs which were not pulled out from under me and drink whatever I get my hands on. At least that's what I am told. The end is near.
1:50 AM - I start challenging anyone in the room to chug with me, eventually heading over to the guys in the corner, including Mitch, the dude who was playing darts. He says he'll chug with me but our beers are uneven. I try to even them out to no avail when he asks if I really want to do this because he was in the army or something. I yell out something along the lines of "Hey everyone! Mr. Kosovo thinks he can drink more than me!" before questioning his military authenticity by telling him he can't do pushups. He starts doing pushups. I either hit him with a chair, sat on him, or both. Instead of kicking my ass, he seems amused.
1:52 AM - In all confusion following the pushups, I decide it'd be fun to throw a closed umbrella clear across the room at Jason. Maybe 10 or 20 feet tops. It hits the table and wipes out everything on it. Strike... and strike.
1:55 AM - The bouncer comes in and demands to know who threw the umbrella and tells us all to leave. Before I can say anything Mitch intervenes, tells the bouncer that he threw it and says we were all leaving anyways. I told Mitch he didn't have to do that. He says it's my birthday and I entertained his friends so he didn't want me getting in trouble. Amazing.
2:00 AM - I am kicked out of a bar for the first time in my life.
Unknown - I am suddenly throwing up in the middle seat of a cab. Driver flips out and kicks us all out into the street... in the pouring rain. I think we're around the Imperial Tobacco buildings.
Unknown - I am awakened in a cab by my house. I tell friends that I'm fine and try to walk out on my own. Stepping out the car door and falling face first onto the trunk of the cab proves otherwise. I am brought into the stairs of my house and assure my friends I'm okay there.
Unknown - I am shivering and peel off my soaking wet clothes to go to bed.
10:00 AM - Lying in bed. Pain. Lots of pain. Jen is there and fills me in on a few gaps. Notably the fact that I apparently only got into bed around 4:30 AM yet I was dropped off at my house around 3:00 AM. Nice.
10:10 AM - Jen: "So, did you have a good time last night?"
Jesse: "Yup."
POST SCRIPT - As I have become aware of, Mitch is apparently the Umpire in chief of NDG Baseball. I don't know if he recognized Jason, Brad or myself, but it's more than likely that our paths have crossed and will cross again in the future. It is also a handy explanation of why I threw the umbrella, since Brad and Jason were yelling to Mitch about baseball when I chucked it... however, I prefer to think I had better reasons than that.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
No Week 6
I didn't make it to my Week 6 comedy workshop, but I actually have a semi-legitimate excuse. On Saturday I was out for a bachelor party that lasted from noon until beyond midnight and it was my birthday on Sunday. Excuse me if I felt like spending my birthday hungover while catching up on TV shows with my girlfriend. Besides, the assignment was to perform without our notebooks, which I was already pretty capable of doing.
To remedy the situation, I'm going to head out for an Open Mic night tomorrow. I also asked a comedy comrade how things went on Sunday and what are assignment was. He said we just needed another minute of material and that our "graduation" is tentatively scheduled for May 30th and June 1st. That gives a solid month to hone our sets. It should get pretty interesting down the stretch.
In the meantime, since it was my birthday, I'm going to go into the vault and post something I wrote a couple years ago. It's not a part of my guide to healthy living, but I'm sure there's a lesson in there somewhere.
I do have a few other things I want to talk about soon though, like my ongoing infatuation with one-liners. Before the end of the week, I promise.
To remedy the situation, I'm going to head out for an Open Mic night tomorrow. I also asked a comedy comrade how things went on Sunday and what are assignment was. He said we just needed another minute of material and that our "graduation" is tentatively scheduled for May 30th and June 1st. That gives a solid month to hone our sets. It should get pretty interesting down the stretch.
In the meantime, since it was my birthday, I'm going to go into the vault and post something I wrote a couple years ago. It's not a part of my guide to healthy living, but I'm sure there's a lesson in there somewhere.
I do have a few other things I want to talk about soon though, like my ongoing infatuation with one-liners. Before the end of the week, I promise.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Jesse G's Guide to Healthy Living, Vol. 2
The lesson: Reach for the stars.
It was back in the summer of 2002... I was living downtown, just left my job to go back to school and American Idol had taken the world by storm. Like everyone else, I watched the first season and laughed at all the auditions. And lets be honest, that's why people watch the show. If you're a real fan of music, Idol is the last place you should be looking for it. There's this thing called the radio if you want to find music. Once you're done with that, I'll teach you about the iPod.
You can't help but feel a little bad about some of the hopefuls. And to clear my conscience about laughing at them, I decided I would try out as soon as there was a Canadian Idol. That way, I could giggle guilt free. I also convinced myself that maybe I'd get through a round. I have a pretty deep baritone and people have told me I should be on the radio. They probably meant I'd make a good morning host, but let's not split hairs. My voice is clearly meant to be heard.
I was a little too impatient to wait around for Canadian Idol. Not knowing whether it'd ever be created, I saw an ad for Popstars and jumped at it. This was an Idol clone that was around in Canada. I forget whether it was to try out for a group or to become a solo artist but that didn't matter much, I was determined to make an ass of myself. Whether it be on my own or with the help of others, so be it.
It was only an hour before the deadline for auditions by the time I psyched myself up to go down there. I told a few people about it but no one really believed I was actually gonna go through with it. (Another lesson: Friends are useless.) A small part of me was hoping there'd be a huge line and I wouldn't be able to get in. Okay, maybe a large part of me. I breathed a sigh of relief when I got there and there was nobody around. Aw shucks. I guess they were full and told everyone to go home. Until I saw someone sitting down at the registration table.
Jesse: "Uh, is this the place for the Popstars auditions?"
Guy: "Yeah, fill this out and go on in."
Jesse: "Are there a lot of people inside? Like, what's the waiting time?"
Guy: "Oh, don't worry, it should take 30 minutes tops."
They slapped a number on me and directed me to the auditorium. I walked in and surveyed the scene. About 50 people in line and a very sparse crew. And a large stage with 5 microphone stands. No sign of any judges. Almost immediately 5 people take the stage and get their own mic. Each person sang for about 30 seconds and then they all walked off the stage. No critique or anything. I guess it was the screening stage. Either way, I was unimpressed.
After hearing a few people sing, I started to think I was making a terrible mistake. Then a production assistant asked me what song I was going to sing. It was then that I realized I made a terrible mistake. I told her I hadn't decided yet. She said I only had 5 songs to choose from. Three of them I didn't know the words, one was an Eminem song and the other was... Nickelback. "How You Remind Me". Well, at least I know the words.
Waiting in line, it was fairly obvious who was taking it seriously and who wasn't. I wasn't. Everyone else was. And then the girl next to me started hyperventilating.
Jesse: "You okay?"
HyperGirl: "I dunno. Just really nervous... [trying to take deep breaths] You don't seem nervous..."
Jesse: [shrugging] "Well... you know... whatever happens, happens."
HyperGirl: [pondering my advice] "Whatever happens, happens. Whatever happens, happens." [repeating it like a creepy mantra] "Okay... thanks!"
She lasted a good 5 minutes before freaking out again.
Finally, it was the moment of truth. I was called up to the stage along with 4 other people. Naturally, I was center stage. However, the next few minutes are a bit of a blur. Here is what I remember:
- HyperGirl was actually pretty good. She had nothing to worry about.
- I was not good. I got the lyrics right but the spotlight was bright and I didn't know who to look at, so I think I sang with my eyes closed. That's right. I was in the zone, baby.
- As soon as I stopped singing and stepped away from the mic, I started cracking up. It was as if the sheer absurdity of what I'd just done hit me all at once. Of course, the guy who sang right after me was terrible, so it looked like I was laughing at him. Which only made me laugh harder. I tried my best to hold it all in but I don't know how good of a job I did. It probably looked like I was having a seizure.
By the time I left the stage, I was wiping tears of laughter off my face when a production assistant made her way over to me...
PA: "It's okay, you weren't that bad."
Jesse: [sniff] "How do I know if I made it through?"
PA: "What? Oh, um... don't worry about it."
It was back in the summer of 2002... I was living downtown, just left my job to go back to school and American Idol had taken the world by storm. Like everyone else, I watched the first season and laughed at all the auditions. And lets be honest, that's why people watch the show. If you're a real fan of music, Idol is the last place you should be looking for it. There's this thing called the radio if you want to find music. Once you're done with that, I'll teach you about the iPod.
You can't help but feel a little bad about some of the hopefuls. And to clear my conscience about laughing at them, I decided I would try out as soon as there was a Canadian Idol. That way, I could giggle guilt free. I also convinced myself that maybe I'd get through a round. I have a pretty deep baritone and people have told me I should be on the radio. They probably meant I'd make a good morning host, but let's not split hairs. My voice is clearly meant to be heard.
I was a little too impatient to wait around for Canadian Idol. Not knowing whether it'd ever be created, I saw an ad for Popstars and jumped at it. This was an Idol clone that was around in Canada. I forget whether it was to try out for a group or to become a solo artist but that didn't matter much, I was determined to make an ass of myself. Whether it be on my own or with the help of others, so be it.
It was only an hour before the deadline for auditions by the time I psyched myself up to go down there. I told a few people about it but no one really believed I was actually gonna go through with it. (Another lesson: Friends are useless.) A small part of me was hoping there'd be a huge line and I wouldn't be able to get in. Okay, maybe a large part of me. I breathed a sigh of relief when I got there and there was nobody around. Aw shucks. I guess they were full and told everyone to go home. Until I saw someone sitting down at the registration table.
Jesse: "Uh, is this the place for the Popstars auditions?"
Guy: "Yeah, fill this out and go on in."
Jesse: "Are there a lot of people inside? Like, what's the waiting time?"
Guy: "Oh, don't worry, it should take 30 minutes tops."
They slapped a number on me and directed me to the auditorium. I walked in and surveyed the scene. About 50 people in line and a very sparse crew. And a large stage with 5 microphone stands. No sign of any judges. Almost immediately 5 people take the stage and get their own mic. Each person sang for about 30 seconds and then they all walked off the stage. No critique or anything. I guess it was the screening stage. Either way, I was unimpressed.
After hearing a few people sing, I started to think I was making a terrible mistake. Then a production assistant asked me what song I was going to sing. It was then that I realized I made a terrible mistake. I told her I hadn't decided yet. She said I only had 5 songs to choose from. Three of them I didn't know the words, one was an Eminem song and the other was... Nickelback. "How You Remind Me". Well, at least I know the words.
Waiting in line, it was fairly obvious who was taking it seriously and who wasn't. I wasn't. Everyone else was. And then the girl next to me started hyperventilating.
Jesse: "You okay?"
HyperGirl: "I dunno. Just really nervous... [trying to take deep breaths] You don't seem nervous..."
Jesse: [shrugging] "Well... you know... whatever happens, happens."
HyperGirl: [pondering my advice] "Whatever happens, happens. Whatever happens, happens." [repeating it like a creepy mantra] "Okay... thanks!"
She lasted a good 5 minutes before freaking out again.
Finally, it was the moment of truth. I was called up to the stage along with 4 other people. Naturally, I was center stage. However, the next few minutes are a bit of a blur. Here is what I remember:
- HyperGirl was actually pretty good. She had nothing to worry about.
- I was not good. I got the lyrics right but the spotlight was bright and I didn't know who to look at, so I think I sang with my eyes closed. That's right. I was in the zone, baby.
- As soon as I stopped singing and stepped away from the mic, I started cracking up. It was as if the sheer absurdity of what I'd just done hit me all at once. Of course, the guy who sang right after me was terrible, so it looked like I was laughing at him. Which only made me laugh harder. I tried my best to hold it all in but I don't know how good of a job I did. It probably looked like I was having a seizure.
By the time I left the stage, I was wiping tears of laughter off my face when a production assistant made her way over to me...
PA: "It's okay, you weren't that bad."
Jesse: [sniff] "How do I know if I made it through?"
PA: "What? Oh, um... don't worry about it."
I have a blog?
Apparently, negligence is the leading cause of all blog death. Followed closely by hackers. Probably. Alright, I don't know where I'm going with that, but 3 out of 4 followers would surely agree that I haven't been posting much. Aside from the comedy workshop hiatus, I just haven't found myself with free evenings after work and my weekends have been booked solid. Not counting a few hurried breakfasts, I just had the first meal I've eaten at my house in almost two weeks. And I didn't even cook it, I just picked up a sub because I have no food in the kitchen and am too tired to go grocery shopping. Mmm... cold cut combo.
So, I'm gonna try to whip up an old story for another installment of Jesse G's Guide to Healthy Living. In the meantime, I'll provide you with a clip of someone I just discovered... Bo Burnham. I know, I know. I like to think I'm "with it" and know all the latest intertrends, but I missed out on Bo. I found out about him while looking for comedy to download for the long drive to Nova Scotia. I saw his name, checked out one of his songs on YouTube and got the album. I gotta say, I'm quite jealous of this kid. He's barely 18, his writing is beyond words and he plays music. And musical comedy seems to be all the rage these days too. Flight of the Conchords, Jon Lajoie, The Lonely Island... and perhaps better than all of them, Bo Burnham.
And if you liked that, I strongly encourage you to watch his other videos. I want to adopt him.
So, I'm gonna try to whip up an old story for another installment of Jesse G's Guide to Healthy Living. In the meantime, I'll provide you with a clip of someone I just discovered... Bo Burnham. I know, I know. I like to think I'm "with it" and know all the latest intertrends, but I missed out on Bo. I found out about him while looking for comedy to download for the long drive to Nova Scotia. I saw his name, checked out one of his songs on YouTube and got the album. I gotta say, I'm quite jealous of this kid. He's barely 18, his writing is beyond words and he plays music. And musical comedy seems to be all the rage these days too. Flight of the Conchords, Jon Lajoie, The Lonely Island... and perhaps better than all of them, Bo Burnham.
And if you liked that, I strongly encourage you to watch his other videos. I want to adopt him.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Week 5
Better late than never!
Last week I was pretty busy, then I went out to Nova Scotia to visit family over the Easter weekend. There was no workshop this Sunday and also none for this upcoming Sunday, but I will try to give a quick recap of what went down on the 5th of April.
The assignment we had was to add a tag line to our jokes. It wasn't that hard to tack on a few lines. But it was a little tricky to come up with something I thought was funny. I can remember one that got a few extra laughs, so I considered it mission accomplished.
After I performed, Joey gave me this assessment...
Joey: "Well, I always like the soccer stuff..."
Jesse: "I tried to trim a little off like you said, but I felt I basically did the same as last week."
Joey: "Nah, you definitely got to your punchlines quicker. But you have some clever lines that are getting lost in there. Overall, good job."
Jesse: "How do I make sure they don't get lost?"
Joey: "Wait a beat. Count it out in your head if you have to. One... two... You're just not giving them time to sink in."
Jesse: "So I just need to work on my timing."
Joey: "Exactly. Wait a beat for people to get it."
From that, there are two things that came to mind. First, I'm fairly certain he hasn't used the word 'clever' to describe anyone else's material. I took that as a pretty big compliment. I like being clever. And secondly, I think I have pretty good timing in general, but there weren't many laughs coming from a crowd that heard everything a week before. If you wait a beat and get nothing, that's pretty bad. Just an extended awkward silence. I was also more nervous that week than any other week, because I felt like I didn't make much progress. Like I said, I thought I just repeated the same jokes from the week before, with a few extra lines in the place of some others. Basically, I don't think I got any worse, but almost everyone else improved markedly and that psyched me out a little.
All in all, he thinks I've got some clever lines and it's easy to work on timing. I'm taking that to the bank for now.
When we rejoin on the 26th, we're supposed to be able to perform without any notes. I'm pretty sure I'll be able to pull that off. Until then I'm constantly trying to tweak everything I've got so far. Also, because we're locked in to our topics, I may try out an Open Mic soon to test out other random stuff I've written. It'll also keep me in a groove during this mini hiatus.
Last week I was pretty busy, then I went out to Nova Scotia to visit family over the Easter weekend. There was no workshop this Sunday and also none for this upcoming Sunday, but I will try to give a quick recap of what went down on the 5th of April.
The assignment we had was to add a tag line to our jokes. It wasn't that hard to tack on a few lines. But it was a little tricky to come up with something I thought was funny. I can remember one that got a few extra laughs, so I considered it mission accomplished.
After I performed, Joey gave me this assessment...
Joey: "Well, I always like the soccer stuff..."
Jesse: "I tried to trim a little off like you said, but I felt I basically did the same as last week."
Joey: "Nah, you definitely got to your punchlines quicker. But you have some clever lines that are getting lost in there. Overall, good job."
Jesse: "How do I make sure they don't get lost?"
Joey: "Wait a beat. Count it out in your head if you have to. One... two... You're just not giving them time to sink in."
Jesse: "So I just need to work on my timing."
Joey: "Exactly. Wait a beat for people to get it."
From that, there are two things that came to mind. First, I'm fairly certain he hasn't used the word 'clever' to describe anyone else's material. I took that as a pretty big compliment. I like being clever. And secondly, I think I have pretty good timing in general, but there weren't many laughs coming from a crowd that heard everything a week before. If you wait a beat and get nothing, that's pretty bad. Just an extended awkward silence. I was also more nervous that week than any other week, because I felt like I didn't make much progress. Like I said, I thought I just repeated the same jokes from the week before, with a few extra lines in the place of some others. Basically, I don't think I got any worse, but almost everyone else improved markedly and that psyched me out a little.
All in all, he thinks I've got some clever lines and it's easy to work on timing. I'm taking that to the bank for now.
When we rejoin on the 26th, we're supposed to be able to perform without any notes. I'm pretty sure I'll be able to pull that off. Until then I'm constantly trying to tweak everything I've got so far. Also, because we're locked in to our topics, I may try out an Open Mic soon to test out other random stuff I've written. It'll also keep me in a groove during this mini hiatus.
Friday, April 3, 2009
Week 4: Part Deux
...and now, the exciting conclusion!
But first, a couple notes that I forgot to mention about the last workshop.
- During the break I joined in on a conversation. Someone had a bit about being afraid of heights and said "The only people who aren't afraid of heights are Native Americans and blind people." I didn't quite get the reference to natives and a few other people apparently didn't either. He said that he thought it was common knowledge but natives are rarely afraid of heights. He has friends in construction and many of the high rise workers that have to walk beams while building skyscrapers are native. Someone backed him up and said that they have an innate ability to find a center of balance. I still don't know whether to believe it. Interesting, nonetheless.
- The guy who was afraid of heights also happened to be a professionally ranked pool player. He was just down in Philadelphia for a tournament. I definitely have to play him once, just to see how good he is. I used to be good, but haven't played in forever. It'll be fun when he demolishes me.
So I went down to Comedyworks to see the Best Open Micers and Joey perform. The show started an hour earlier, so I actually missed most of the amateurs. However I did catch the last four and they were all very, very different from each other. Bonus: Ali Hassan, the guy I saw perform on Friday, was MC'ing! Good stuff.
First I saw was a guy who really kinda sucked, if I'm gonna be honest. The only joke of his I can remember was that a good way to pick up girls is to start talking to them and then let out a silent fart (seriously) before saying "Awww gross, I think someone farted... let's go back to my place and watch the beginning of Titanic..." Ugh.
Next up was someone who is apparently in the workshop, although I can only vaguely remember her from the first week. She had a very good impression of her father from Barbados, most of her five minutes was about growing up with him. I liked it.
Third was a musical act. I'd describe the guy as Jason Schwartzman-esque. Had a nice outfit with suspenders and a tie. Sharp looking fellow. He had a keyboard up on stage and said "Have you ever been in a relationship you knew was bad for you? But you kept going back? That's what this song is about. It's called Chinatown." As an admirer of musical comedy, I really enjoyed the song. Very clever, a little catchy, hit all his notes. Very well done.
Last of the amateurs was some big dude who basically yelled and stomped around his entire set, which was a real shame because his jokes were great. If I didn't feel like I was being assaulted, it would have been hilarious.
A comic by the name of Heidi Foss also performed. She's written for "This Hour Has 22 Minutes" (It's a Canadian satire news show, think The Daily Show but with four anchors and it's been on for at least 15 years now. Very popular up here.) and I'd seen her perform once before. Her whole set is deadpan one-liners. I have a very soft spot for deadpan and one-liners so I love her stuff. I'd also love to show a clip of her but I can't seem to find one. You know what they say, if it ain't on YouTube, it doesn't exist.
Joey Elias took the stage last and stayed true to his claim of "Don't learn from me on stage. I'm a terrible example of what I'm teaching you." Don't get me wrong, he's great, but he's much more of a storyteller than a joke teller. He's just very comfortable on stage and basically goes with whatever's on his mind. Or maybe it's just that he's been doing this for 15 years and he's gotten really good at it. Either way, he's a natural on stage and it was fun seeing him perform after getting to know him.
After Joey performed it was announced that Andrea, the girl in my class, had won the competition. She now gets an opening slot on a weekend show. I really thought the Chinatown guy shoulda won, but I was happy for her. It also gave me a sense of "If she can do it, then I can do it!" if that makes any sense.
Here's a clip of Joey Elias to finish it off. It's barely even funny, but it's the only thing he's got on YouTube. I'll tell him he might wanna get on that.
But first, a couple notes that I forgot to mention about the last workshop.
- During the break I joined in on a conversation. Someone had a bit about being afraid of heights and said "The only people who aren't afraid of heights are Native Americans and blind people." I didn't quite get the reference to natives and a few other people apparently didn't either. He said that he thought it was common knowledge but natives are rarely afraid of heights. He has friends in construction and many of the high rise workers that have to walk beams while building skyscrapers are native. Someone backed him up and said that they have an innate ability to find a center of balance. I still don't know whether to believe it. Interesting, nonetheless.
- The guy who was afraid of heights also happened to be a professionally ranked pool player. He was just down in Philadelphia for a tournament. I definitely have to play him once, just to see how good he is. I used to be good, but haven't played in forever. It'll be fun when he demolishes me.
So I went down to Comedyworks to see the Best Open Micers and Joey perform. The show started an hour earlier, so I actually missed most of the amateurs. However I did catch the last four and they were all very, very different from each other. Bonus: Ali Hassan, the guy I saw perform on Friday, was MC'ing! Good stuff.
First I saw was a guy who really kinda sucked, if I'm gonna be honest. The only joke of his I can remember was that a good way to pick up girls is to start talking to them and then let out a silent fart (seriously) before saying "Awww gross, I think someone farted... let's go back to my place and watch the beginning of Titanic..." Ugh.
Next up was someone who is apparently in the workshop, although I can only vaguely remember her from the first week. She had a very good impression of her father from Barbados, most of her five minutes was about growing up with him. I liked it.
Third was a musical act. I'd describe the guy as Jason Schwartzman-esque. Had a nice outfit with suspenders and a tie. Sharp looking fellow. He had a keyboard up on stage and said "Have you ever been in a relationship you knew was bad for you? But you kept going back? That's what this song is about. It's called Chinatown." As an admirer of musical comedy, I really enjoyed the song. Very clever, a little catchy, hit all his notes. Very well done.
Last of the amateurs was some big dude who basically yelled and stomped around his entire set, which was a real shame because his jokes were great. If I didn't feel like I was being assaulted, it would have been hilarious.
A comic by the name of Heidi Foss also performed. She's written for "This Hour Has 22 Minutes" (It's a Canadian satire news show, think The Daily Show but with four anchors and it's been on for at least 15 years now. Very popular up here.) and I'd seen her perform once before. Her whole set is deadpan one-liners. I have a very soft spot for deadpan and one-liners so I love her stuff. I'd also love to show a clip of her but I can't seem to find one. You know what they say, if it ain't on YouTube, it doesn't exist.
Joey Elias took the stage last and stayed true to his claim of "Don't learn from me on stage. I'm a terrible example of what I'm teaching you." Don't get me wrong, he's great, but he's much more of a storyteller than a joke teller. He's just very comfortable on stage and basically goes with whatever's on his mind. Or maybe it's just that he's been doing this for 15 years and he's gotten really good at it. Either way, he's a natural on stage and it was fun seeing him perform after getting to know him.
After Joey performed it was announced that Andrea, the girl in my class, had won the competition. She now gets an opening slot on a weekend show. I really thought the Chinatown guy shoulda won, but I was happy for her. It also gave me a sense of "If she can do it, then I can do it!" if that makes any sense.
Here's a clip of Joey Elias to finish it off. It's barely even funny, but it's the only thing he's got on YouTube. I'll tell him he might wanna get on that.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Louis CK
Hmmm... it seems the clip I want to show isn't allowed to be embedded. I'll just post a link and promise that it's worth it to leave this page or open a tab. Funny, I'm afraid that most people are too lazy to click a link instead of just hitting "Play" on the little YouTube screen. That's actually a beautiful segue into the clip...
Louis CK on Late Night with Conan O'Brien
Louis CK on Late Night with Conan O'Brien
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Week 4
This past Sunday was probably the first time I've seen both progress and regress in our little comedy workshop. (Ooooh... I like that. Workshop. I'm gonna retroactively change all references to "Class" and "Course" to "Workshop". I always thought it sounded too formal.) So yeah, the workshop was pretty interesting. I felt that we got a real sense of some people's sense of humour. As well as how well some people can follow instructions.
As you remember, our assignment was to find the punchlines in our rants and write a setup for it. Basically, just reduce our rants into sweet, sweet concentrate. I wasn't too happy with my mini rants last week about being hairy and the Expos, so I went back to my list and also cheated a little by using an old topic I'd written about a while ago. Going in, I was fairly confident in what I had come up with.
I hate to say it, but I wasn't very impressed with the rest of the group. Most of them basically repeated their rants from two weeks ago, I could barely tell the difference. Inexplicably, a couple even chose just one rant and expanded on it. There were also several people who either had trouble identifying their punchlines or simply had none to work with. The worst case was someone who went up and said "One", then a couple sentences with no discernable punchline, setup or topic. "Two", repeat. "Three", you get the idea. He basically chose what he thought was the punchline and tacked on the line right before it, without really introducing any subject. It was bizarre, to say the least.
One guy, who was a writer, ranted last week about reading material in the bathroom. It was his only rant and it wasn't bad. He clearly knows how to write something meant to be read, it just needed a lot of cutting down. But this time he just went with another rant, basically starting over. When Joey asked why he didn't stick with his other topic he said that we've all heard it, he didn't want to use stale material. I was very glad someone brought that up, because I've always thought I'd have a hard time repeating the same act over and over again. It seems to me that there'd be people there who would have heard the jokes before and I wouldn't want to give the impression that I only have ten minutes of material that I repeat over and over. However, it was pointed out to me that people listen to songs over and over and go to concerts just to hear the band playing the same songs. And the band has to play the same songs every night for a different audience. I also could watch the same YouTube clip of my favourite comics many times. Not a bad way to look at it.
Joey also had a few encouraging words. "Get ready to hate everything you've written. You're going to be bored with it, you're not going to think it's funny anymore, you're not gonna want to repeat it. But that's how you build it. Also, don't memorize anything. I know a lot of you are going up there and reading and that's fine, but don't memorize it word for word. If you do that, you don't let it evolve. In fact, that's one of the ways it'll stay fresh to you. Write everything down, just don't memorize word for word." I may have cleaned that up a bit. At least, that's the message I got out of it.
There were about five of us left to go when we all stood up at the same time. Joey gave each person a number and I ended up last. I took the stage and said "I've always wanted to be a headliner" before getting into it. Unfortunately, I'm not sure I want divulge what I say anymore, because I'm pretty sure I'm writing some jokes I'll want to keep and it'll be much more satisfying to eventually post a video of me doing stand-up without people having read it. I dunno, I might change my mind. The subjects were "Not sleeping enough", "Not liking soccer" and "Being afraid of birds". I got some good laughs. Including a big, delayed one where I wasn't expecting to get it. It took me by surprise and I had to compose myself before moving on. I actually can't even remember what I said, which is terrible. Hopefully it gets the same reaction next week if I don't cut it out of the joke. I also got one of the loudest groans of the night. Good groans, I think. I'd rather get something than nothing. On the flip side, I was met with dead silence on one line I thought would kill. Meh. Comedy. It's a funny thing.
Joey was giving everyone feedback right after their mini-routines. As I said, most people were getting "Trim the fat" but there was a few times he would point out a specific word or phrase that should be expanded or deleted. I was pretty eager to hear what he had for me. "That was pretty good. Pretty good. I hate soccer too, so I loved that stuff. You still gotta tighten it up a bit, but yeah, I liked it. Pretty good." That might not look good in writing but there weren't many "pretty goods" that night. I took it as an endorsement and felt good.
After the show, Joey mentioned he was a featured performer in about an hour, down the street at Comedyworks for the Best Of Open Mic night. All the best amateurs of the month were invited back to compete for an opening slot for a weekend show. I was feeling good and thought I should mingle a bit more with my new friends, so for the second time in three days I visited the Comedyworks. This time it actually was a field trip.
To be continued...
As you remember, our assignment was to find the punchlines in our rants and write a setup for it. Basically, just reduce our rants into sweet, sweet concentrate. I wasn't too happy with my mini rants last week about being hairy and the Expos, so I went back to my list and also cheated a little by using an old topic I'd written about a while ago. Going in, I was fairly confident in what I had come up with.
I hate to say it, but I wasn't very impressed with the rest of the group. Most of them basically repeated their rants from two weeks ago, I could barely tell the difference. Inexplicably, a couple even chose just one rant and expanded on it. There were also several people who either had trouble identifying their punchlines or simply had none to work with. The worst case was someone who went up and said "One", then a couple sentences with no discernable punchline, setup or topic. "Two", repeat. "Three", you get the idea. He basically chose what he thought was the punchline and tacked on the line right before it, without really introducing any subject. It was bizarre, to say the least.
One guy, who was a writer, ranted last week about reading material in the bathroom. It was his only rant and it wasn't bad. He clearly knows how to write something meant to be read, it just needed a lot of cutting down. But this time he just went with another rant, basically starting over. When Joey asked why he didn't stick with his other topic he said that we've all heard it, he didn't want to use stale material. I was very glad someone brought that up, because I've always thought I'd have a hard time repeating the same act over and over again. It seems to me that there'd be people there who would have heard the jokes before and I wouldn't want to give the impression that I only have ten minutes of material that I repeat over and over. However, it was pointed out to me that people listen to songs over and over and go to concerts just to hear the band playing the same songs. And the band has to play the same songs every night for a different audience. I also could watch the same YouTube clip of my favourite comics many times. Not a bad way to look at it.
Joey also had a few encouraging words. "Get ready to hate everything you've written. You're going to be bored with it, you're not going to think it's funny anymore, you're not gonna want to repeat it. But that's how you build it. Also, don't memorize anything. I know a lot of you are going up there and reading and that's fine, but don't memorize it word for word. If you do that, you don't let it evolve. In fact, that's one of the ways it'll stay fresh to you. Write everything down, just don't memorize word for word." I may have cleaned that up a bit. At least, that's the message I got out of it.
There were about five of us left to go when we all stood up at the same time. Joey gave each person a number and I ended up last. I took the stage and said "I've always wanted to be a headliner" before getting into it. Unfortunately, I'm not sure I want divulge what I say anymore, because I'm pretty sure I'm writing some jokes I'll want to keep and it'll be much more satisfying to eventually post a video of me doing stand-up without people having read it. I dunno, I might change my mind. The subjects were "Not sleeping enough", "Not liking soccer" and "Being afraid of birds". I got some good laughs. Including a big, delayed one where I wasn't expecting to get it. It took me by surprise and I had to compose myself before moving on. I actually can't even remember what I said, which is terrible. Hopefully it gets the same reaction next week if I don't cut it out of the joke. I also got one of the loudest groans of the night. Good groans, I think. I'd rather get something than nothing. On the flip side, I was met with dead silence on one line I thought would kill. Meh. Comedy. It's a funny thing.
Joey was giving everyone feedback right after their mini-routines. As I said, most people were getting "Trim the fat" but there was a few times he would point out a specific word or phrase that should be expanded or deleted. I was pretty eager to hear what he had for me. "That was pretty good. Pretty good. I hate soccer too, so I loved that stuff. You still gotta tighten it up a bit, but yeah, I liked it. Pretty good." That might not look good in writing but there weren't many "pretty goods" that night. I took it as an endorsement and felt good.
After the show, Joey mentioned he was a featured performer in about an hour, down the street at Comedyworks for the Best Of Open Mic night. All the best amateurs of the month were invited back to compete for an opening slot for a weekend show. I was feeling good and thought I should mingle a bit more with my new friends, so for the second time in three days I visited the Comedyworks. This time it actually was a field trip.
To be continued...
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